![]() In it, the main character and her best friend drift apart. But a few things came up lately that made me really miss him, despite everything.įor one, I watched the annoying film (although less annoying than I feared, and less annoying than the beginning of the film led me to think it would be), Frances Ha. He now is a stranger – I have no idea what he is doing but still hope he is very happy. Lately this has disturbed me in some way. But after this episode, he was as good to me as a stranger. I just had no more feeling involved at all – the only feeling that had been left was this respect and friendship. But it turned into a psychodrama that caused me to lose respect for him, not really want to talk to him anymore at all and conclude that he is not the person I thought he was. I just wanted to make one last gesture that might make him smile and remember me – as his friend – fondly. Whether he secretly liked the drama or was just that thoughtless or wanted a detached way to make me really slam the door forever, I don’t know – maybe I am assigning it all too much meaning anyway.) I did not want to start talking again, I did not want to resume a friendship that was clearly over. (He took the envelope home and started up all the trouble that could have been avoided and triggered the REAL end of the friendship. I sent it to his work address just because I did not want to stir up trouble in his home life – at all. I then felt liberated not to resist the temptation to send him a gift. This mostly happened, but of course insanely cute baby animals or funny things that only we could appreciate would sometimes occur, and he did not resist the temptation to write a few times. ![]() ![]() I have written about this before, and after several eruptions, I told him that, despite how much it hurt to cut off the friendship, knowing that I was losing something, I felt we would all have a more harmonious life if we stopped talking. I also, without knowing the girlfriend, never imagined that someone who was undoubtedly a lovely person if he (whom I respected and believed would make good choices in this realm) decided to be with her, would be so irrationally jealous. Once the contact was so sporadic and topic-specific (almost always about a film, tv, an inside joke about something we both found funny or, usually, about baby animals – which we both found irresistibly cute), I did not imagine that he, once so stubborn and headstrong, would be with someone who was demanding enough to require him to stop talking to me. We live in different countries, and our communication was limited in any case both in frequency and in terms of topics. I did not think it necessarily meant our friendship was over. When this friend got into a new relationship, I was happy for him. And having had a lot of friends come and go, it always bore tremendous weight when someone “got” me in the way that a true friend did. The guy in question was one of the best friends I ever had. The only time one was really difficult was when it was starkly clear that “romance” should never have been a part of it. Romantic relationships are more cut and dry somehow. Friendship has always been a bigger struggle and a larger emotional stumbling block for me than, for example, romantic entanglements. Lately, the ache of losing friendship has come up again and again for me. This forum does not need to be something more – I write what I know. My concerns are not monumental or particularly profound. I want to chronicle my thoughts, my life, my frustrations – I just happen to make it public. I am also keenly aware that a blog is a highly self-indulgent activity. ![]() I am like most other people in that I can be petty. ![]()
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